Single

This has been quite a Fall. First I lost my love. Then, about a week later, I lost my job. I think the love thing is harder. I'd rather have someone to sleep with every night than a job. Sex and affection and true companionship are all way better than health benefits. I've tried "dating" on-line but my heart isn't in it. And most women on dating sites are just so pathetic. Everyone is happy and well adjusted and smiles a lot and lives life to the fullest and thinks everyday is a glorious sunrise with limitless possibilities and is independent and successful and loves puppies, hiking, and lattes.

I met one woman. For lattes. She wasn't as thin in real life as she looked in her photos. She wore a bulky sweater in a lame attempt to cover-up this important fact but I'm a good judge of body types. You can't hide bulk. It heaves with every breath. I don't feel the urge to call her again. She's just not that great. Not anything like what I had. Not even close. I haven't been into settling since my marriage so why start now?

Some days I feel like going back (to the girl I met on a flight from Phoenix to Denver and then spent the next year-and-a-half with) and saying, "Look, I'll do anything. What will it take? What do you want me to do? Be? Say?" Maybe that sounds desperate. I'm not desperate. I just want her back. At nearly any price. Maybe that is desperate. Maybe I would rather be alone the rest of my life than be without her. Maybe I spend too much time idealizing our relationship. Why do I do that? Why can't I just be jaded and move on? Problem is, when I fall in love (which has happened exactly twice in my life - and no, the first time wasn't the person I married) I fall hard and it takes me forever to get over it. This one could take a very long time.