Why I Hate Divorce

The letter below was written in response to Paul Campos' column in the Rocky Mountain News entitled "Legal Marriage Obsolete." In his column, Mr. Campos suggests that the concept of legal marriage is outdated and needs to be revised, including the concepts of marital property and spousal support.

I have been mulling over the sheer stupidity and inequity of divorce laws and the results of my own divorce for some time and this column gave me an opportunity to put some of those thoughts on paper.

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Mr. Campos,

I've been wanting to respond to your column for some time now. Before I share some of my thoughts with you let me give you a little background. I grew up in rural North Dakota in a very religious fundamentalist Baptist environment. I went on to receive a Masters of Divinity degree from Denver Seminary and pastored an evangelical church for several years. I left the ministry and the church fourteen years ago and eventually parted ways with Christianity and religion altogether.

I grew up and lived most of my adult life thinking that marriage was "sacred." In spite of that background, I couldn't agree more with your analysis of and recommendations for legal marriage. I was married for eighteen years and divorced seven years ago. No doubt you already know this but divorce laws are written to favor the "victimized" wife and moreover, are written as if all fathers are deadbeats and want to abandon their children.

So, my ex-wife, college educated and able to work full time, legally received the following:

-My house and all of my equity
-$14,000 per year in child support
-$28,000 per year in "spousal maintenance" for eight years

I am also legally obligated for the following:
-Payment of back taxes from 2002, the year we divorced (I still owe $18,000)
-100% of college expense for my daughter (she attends Loyola University Chicago)
-100% of education and ongoing needs for my special needs son

The terms of the divorce forced me into bankruptcy almost immediately (which, by the way, was the stated goal of her divorce attorney). It now is impossible for me to get financing for housing (I live in an apartment) or to co-sign on college loans.

I partly blame my own naivete and my inept divorce attorney for my situation. But I also blame the legal system for making this lunacy possible. It allows (even encourages) women to play the victim role and gives them an alarmingly powerful sense of entitlement. In the end, at least in my situation, I am left financially crippled and far less capable of helping my children - both of whom, by the way, I love and adore and am very close to.

So thanks for your opinions -- and when the Elimination of Marriage Amendment comes up for a vote, I'll be the first in line to support it.